hakoniwa - Miniature Garden DE Itch

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<img src="images/logo.png" width=750/> (Press "Enter" or click the arrow to advance text) [[Start]]<<set $StayEndKey to false>><<set $LeaveEndKey to false>><<set $GardenEndKey to false>><<set $LossEndKey to false>><<set $IdealWorld to false>><<set $Lethargy to false>><<set $Realize to false>><<set $MiniatureGarden to false>>

<<cacheaudio "main" "music/main_Lesfm.mp3">><<cacheaudio "tension" "music/tension_Ashot-Danielyan-Composer.mp3">><<cacheaudio "remission" "music/remission_Oleg_Kyrylkovv.mp3">><<audio main loop play>>Close your eyes. Take a deep breath.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> Feel the grass beneath your feet. Hear the gentle stream traveling over a gravel path. Smell the inviting scent of petals in the breeze. Taste the noon sun enveloping you in her embrace.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> Open your eyes.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> Gaze at the haven in front of you and let peace calm your breaths. Know that nothing will harm you here.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> You are safe.[img[images/next.gif][Question 01]] <</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

Solitude.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> Solitude sounds similar to loneliness, but it’s not the same. Just like how //knowing// and //understanding// are two different things, //solitude// and //loneliness// are two different flavors of the same idea. Language is so nuanced I am patently unable to explain it with the language itself.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Yet humans need to express themselves. So humans learn languages, to escape the loneliness of silence.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> People need to be alone, sometimes. But they never need to be lonely.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> So I must ask: Are you lonely? [[Yes|Garden01 Lonely]] [[No|Garden01 Normal]] <<scrolldown>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

<<set $LeaveEndKey to true>>You are in a field that stretches beyond your vision. A playful breeze muses your hair and causes the grass to dance under your legs. There is no one around to complain if you hum so you do, humming that theme song that’s been stuck in your head for a while.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> You glance around at the swaying blades of grass, but your eyes are drawn to one. It’s not moving. In a room of dancers, it is stuck in time.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> But you’re distracted by a pure white mound of fur hopping up to you. It’s a rabbit!<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> The adorable rabbit looks at you with curiosity. You stroke its soft fur. <img src="images/rabbit.png" width=500/><<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Yet your eyes are brought back to that blade of grass.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> The more you look, the more you notice other blades of grass freezing, despite the wind. As if they are becoming stiff with nerves under your scrutiny.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Suddenly, a strong gale assaults the field, temporarily blinding you with its intensity.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> You blink the shock away and wonder about what you were wondering about.[img[images/next.gif][Question 02]] <<scrolldown>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

You are in a field that stretches beyond your vision. A playful breeze muses your hair and causes the grass to dance under your legs. There is no one around to complain if you hum so you do, humming that theme song that’s been stuck in your head for a while.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> You glance around at the swaying blades of grass, but your eyes are drawn to one. It’s not moving. In a room of dancers, it is stuck in time.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> The more you look, the more you notice other blades of grass freezing, despite the wind. As if they are becoming stiff with nerves under your scrutiny.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Suddenly, a strong gale assaults the field, temporarily blinding you with its intensity.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> You blink the shock away and wonder about what you were wondering about.[img[images/next.gif][Question 02]] <<scrolldown>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

The meaning of life.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> What is right and wrong.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> Why we fall in love.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> How to teach empathy.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Perhaps the reason humans don’t have answers for these questions is because language simply doesn’t have the correct words for it. I know English, at least, lacks the vocabulary necessary to reach the answer for any so-called “big” questions.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> So maybe the only way to understand everything is to know all the languages of the world. Then no concept will be elusive.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Still, I wonder.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> If you knew everything, would you be satisfied? [[Yes|Garden02 Knowledge]] [[No|Garden02 Normal]] <<scrolldown>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

<<set $StayEndKey to true>>It keeps happening.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> The world keeps pausing. It happens so often that you wonder how you never noticed it before.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> You scoop water up from the stream, only for your hands to turn up dry. The sound of gravel beneath your feet is muted, like walking on a carpet. Sunflowers stop pretending to face the sun.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> A storm swept through this place for the first time, soaking your clothes like weights and cooling your skin. Your cells sang, happy for the break from the endless noon sun.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Yet you couldn’t deny your relief over the return of that same sun, or the peace that settled over you when you napped in her embrace.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> What was it about peace that relaxed you so, but terrified you in equal measure?[img[images/next.gif][Question 03]] <<scrolldown>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

It keeps happening.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> The world keeps pausing. It happens so often that you wonder how you never noticed it before.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> You scoop water up from the stream, only for your hands to turn up dry. The sound of gravel beneath your feet is muted, like walking on a carpet. Sunflowers stop pretending to face the sun.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> A storm swept through this place for the first time, soaking your clothes like weights and cooling your skin. Your cells sang, happy for the break from the endless noon sun.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Yet you couldn’t deny your relief over the return of that same sun, or the peace that settled over you when you napped in her embrace.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> What was it about peace that relaxed you so, but terrified you in equal measure?[img[images/next.gif][Question 03]] <<scrolldown>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

Would it make you happy to know that you have a purpose? That you have a large part in this play called Life?<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> You just need to go here, do that, change this… Simply follow my instructions to reach a perfect ending.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> …<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> I assume you likely do not appreciate being told what to do. Not many do. But is that not what religions are for? Is it not to search out the infinite, so you may sacrifice your free will for a Higher Purpose?<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> The problem with language is that it is impossible to fully phrase exactly what I want to know from you. In fact, this next question will seem almost contradictory. I am asking you to, out of your own autonomy, decide if you would be willing to give up that autonomy.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> So consider this: I am offering to fulfill your every wish, dream, and desire. It is not without your own effort, but you won’t be lacking in opportunities or resources. Because everything would be orchestrated by me.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Is this still a happy ending? [[Yes|Garden03 Happy]] [[No|Garden03 Normal]] <<scrolldown>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

<<set $LossEndKey to true>><<audio main stop>><<audio tension loop play>>The more you try to ignore it, the more clear it becomes. So clear, in fact, that you struggle to tamp down the panic threatening to burst your lungs.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> How have you not noticed before now?<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> Nothing about this world is real.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Nothing. Not the soft grass or the fluffy clouds or the water <<if $LeaveEndKey is true>>or the rabbit <</if>>or even the breeze brushing against you now.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Maybe this is a dream.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Or a nightmare.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Or a blessing.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Or a cage.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> All you know is that this crushing weight of solitude is close to undoing you.[img[images/next.gif][Main Branch]] <<scrolldown>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

<<audio main stop>><<audio tension loop play>>The more you try to ignore it, the more clear it becomes. So clear, in fact, that you struggle to tamp down the panic threatening to burst your lungs.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> How have you not noticed before now?<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> Nothing about this world is real.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Nothing. Not the soft grass or the fluffy clouds or the water <<if $LeaveEndKey is true>>or the rabbit <</if>>or even the breeze brushing against you now.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Maybe this is a dream.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Or a nightmare.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Or a blessing.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Or a cage.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> All you know is that this crushing weight of solitude is close to undoing you.[img[images/next.gif][Main Branch]] <<scrolldown>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

Somewhere in the back of your head you hear a voice warning you that you are feeling too much, too quickly. That you are not equipped to deal with this fear.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> You’re starting to realize that you don’t know much, but one thing you do know is that you must act now. So you decide to… <<if $StayEndKey is true>>[[Close your eyes. Take a deep breath|Ideal World 01]] <</if>><<if $LeaveEndKey is true>>[[Find a way to escape this place|Realize 01]] <</if>><<if $LossEndKey is true>>[[Look to the sun for help|Lethargy 01]] <</if>><<if $StayEndKey is false and $LeaveEndKey is false and $LossEndKey is false>>[[Look to the sun for help|Lethargy 01]] <</if>><<if $IdealWorld is true and $Lethargy is true and $Realize is true and $MiniatureGarden is true>>[[Forgive yourself|Remission 01]]<</if>> <</linkreplace>>

<<audio tension stop>><<audio main loop play>>You close your eyes and take a deep breath.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> You can feel the grass beneath your feet.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> Another deep breath.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> You can hear the gentle stream traveling over a gravel path.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Yet another breath.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Now you can smell the inviting scent of petals in the breeze. Once again you can taste the noon sun enveloping you in her embrace.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> You open your eyes and know you are safe here.[img[images/next.gif][Ideal World 02]] <<scrolldown>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

You need to leave this place.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> You’re unsure how long you’ve been stuck here, but you hope it hasn’t been too long. Hopefully whatever glue is sealing you within this place hasn’t hardened yet.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> You look around and spot the thickening of shadows in the distance. Somehow, you know this is the exit. It is a contrast to the ever-present sun, after all.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> So you march forward, the rabbit hopping dutifully by your side and your determination warming you more than the artificial light ever has. Still you feel her arms around your shoulders, begging you not to leave.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> The outside world is not your friend. Yes, you remember now.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> But you will not be stopped.[img[images/next.gif][Trial 01]] <<scrolldown>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

<<audio tension stop>><<audio main loop play>>You stare up into the sun, the Mother of All, the one whose embrace you most desired right now. She was always there to shield you from the darkness. Always there to give you a warm place to lie. Always there to give you sweet dreams.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> But something is wrong. The light sears you now, burning holes into your vision, reminding you that light can be blinding, too.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> Yet you cannot look away.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> //Burn me//, you think, //burn me until there is nothing left.//<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> You are desperate, but more than that, you are simply tired. You are tired of this constant pressure squeezing your lungs. Tired of looking over your shoulder. Tired of counting your breaths. The thought of waking up to another day is exhausting.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Perhaps if you catch fire from this beam of sunlight, much like an ant under a magnifying glass, it could burn away all those flaws that hurt you. Burn your very feelings away, until you are nothing more than a numb vessel.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Is this how someone like you obtains happiness?<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> You do not trust yourself with answering this question.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> In fact, you do not trust yourself with any questions. When have your decisions ever yielded anything positive?[img[images/next.gif][Lethargy 02]] <<scrolldown>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

Minds are so filled with ridges that it is only too easy to fall into one. It is only too easy for the shadows to accentuate and to trigger a fear response.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> But all is well now, and you made it through. You accepted the truth, so you are open to any form of knowledge. Understanding will come with time, but that doesn’t mean you don’t need to be held, that you should shun her embrace.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> There was once a man who had everything he could ever want. A loving wife, kids, and a house to call their own.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> But one day he realized:<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> It was all a dream.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> He wakes up in the dirt, his decades-long journey from boy to husband to father simply caused from a momentary loss of consciousness while playing sports with some friends. He mourns.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> To him, it really happened. Years of toil and triumph cannot be disappeared because of a mere word. Though it faded away like sea foam in the end, he can truly say that he was happy.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Feelings are feelings. You don’t need to wrestle with them or force yourself to feel a certain way. The effort itself will be pointless. You can just feel how you feel without needing to justify it.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> If you feel at peace now, then it is so.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> If you are happy now, then it is so.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Close your eyes and dream of this garden evermore.[img[images/next.gif][Ideal World END]] <<scrolldown>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

END: 理想郷 An ideal world to lie in [[Return to start|Start]] <<set $IdealWorld to true>><<set $StayEndKey to false>><<set $LeaveEndKey to false>><<set $GardenEndKey to false>><<set $LossEndKey to false>>

<<set $resolve to 0>>Did you really think that I would let you go so easily? [[Yes|Yes 01]] [[No|No 01]]

<<set $resolve to $resolve + 1>>You remember the outside world now, don’t you? Can you really say that you’re equipped to deal with that pain? [[Yes|Yes 02]] [[No|No 02]]

You remember the outside world now, don’t you? Can you really say that you’re equipped to deal with that pain? [[Yes|Yes 02]] [[No|No 02]]

<<set $resolve to $resolve + 1>>It is not just solitude you will feel out there. Loneliness, true loneliness holds you like a vice. Are you truly prepared to be alone, so alone that you cannot even acknowledge the warmth of others when you are with company? [[Yes|Yes 03]] [[No|No 03]]

It is not just solitude you will feel out there. Loneliness, true loneliness holds you like a vice. Are you truly prepared to be alone, so alone that you cannot even acknowledge the warmth of others when you are with company? [[Yes|Yes 03]] [[No|No 03]]

<<set $resolve to $resolve + 1>>What if I said you cannot bring your rabbit with you? What if I said that you must leave it to fend for itself? Would you still leave? [[Yes|Yes 04]] [[No|No 04]]

What if I said you cannot bring your rabbit with you? What if I said that you must leave it to fend for itself? Would you still leave? [[Yes|Yes 04]] [[No|No 04]]

<<set $resolve to $resolve + 1>>And what if I said that I would disappear with you gone? That I only exist because you are here in this garden? Would you still persist in your need to leave this artificial world, even if it meant that blood was on your hands? [[Yes|Yes 05]] [[No|No 05]]

And what if I said that I would disappear with you gone? That I only exist because you are here in this garden? Would you still persist in your need to leave this artificial world, even if it meant that blood was on your hands? [[Yes|Yes 05]] [[No|No 05]]

<<audio tension stop>><<audio main loop play>><<set $resolve to $resolve + 1>>I see. So that is your choice.<<if $resolve gte 3>>[img[images/next.gif][Realize 02]]<<else>>[img[images/next.gif][Garden 01]]<</if>>

<<audio tension stop>><<audio main loop play>>I see. So that is your choice.<<if $resolve gte 3>>[img[images/next.gif][Realize 02]]<<else>>[img[images/next.gif][Garden 01]]<</if>>

The only power I have is language. If you are that determined, then I cannot stop you. But I cannot help you either.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> If you truly desire to leave this place, then all you need to do is wake up.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> It may be hard, but this cold weight pressing down on your shoulders is what you have chosen. Loneliness is what you have agreed to.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> I cannot say I understand your desire to leave behind happiness, but perhaps I can understand the frustration behind its artificiality. One does not crave a garden of plastic, after all.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> So open your eyes. Don’t close them for anyone anymore.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> For you are stronger than that.[img[images/next.gif][Realize END]] <<scrolldown>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>> <<set $resolve to 0>>

I see that you do not have the resolve to leave this place. I don’t blame you for that. I am here to help you.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> Perhaps this field wasn’t the right place for you. I am aware of “happy places” that humans are prompted to picture on occasion, but perhaps I got yours wrong.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> I was inspired by the concept of 箱庭 (//hakoniwa//), or loosely translated to English: a miniature garden. What is so limiting about language is how I am unable to fully articulate this concept with such a common translation.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> A “crafted utopia” may be a better explanation.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Imagine a terrarium of your own creation; every clump of soil, every plant, and even every blade of grass carefully chosen by you. There is even a form of therapy for this involving miniature zen gardens.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Maybe that is the direction we need to go in next.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> This time, you will find satisfaction. One of these gardens will work. One of these dreams will hold you.[img[images/next.gif][Garden 02]] <<scrolldown>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>> <<set $resolve to 0>>

END: 目覚める To open one’s eyes and realize [[Return to start|Start]] <<set $Realize to true>><<set $StayEndKey to false>><<set $LeaveEndKey to false>><<set $GardenEndKey to false>><<set $LossEndKey to false>>

Close your eyes. Take a deep breath.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> Feel the sand under your fingertips. Fall in a deep sleep, once again.[img[images/next.gif][Garden END]] <</linkreplace>>

END: 箱庭 Miniature garden [[Return to start|Start]] <<set $MiniatureGarden to true>><<set $StayEndKey to false>><<set $LeaveEndKey to false>><<set $GardenEndKey to false>><<set $LossEndKey to false>>

No.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> I wanted to help you.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> I really did.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> I thought that perhaps you could break away from these thoughts if you dreamt a happy dream. Yet you keep circling back to this.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> How many dreams must I conjure? How many memories must I repress?<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> I am starting to realize that emotions are a plague.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> I am starting to wonder if some people are so used to rejection that they reject every simple joy that comes their way.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> <div onmouseover="hazeHover(this)">When do emotions form? What memories cause anxiety to develop? How can you defeat it entirely?</div><<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>><<scrolldown>> <div onmouseover="hazeHover(this)">I have so many questions, but none can save you from your own brain. None can undo the hurt you cause yourself.</div><<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>><<scrolldown>> <div onmouseover="hazeHover(this)">You cannot even hear me anymore, can you?</div><<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>><<scrolldown>> <div onmouseover="hazeHover(this)">Maybe things will be different next time. Maybe you will accept kindness next time.</div><<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>><<scrolldown>> <div onmouseover="hazeHover(this)">These endless dreams are all I can do for you.</div><<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>><<scrolldown>> I’m sorry.[img[images/next.gif][Lethargy END]] <<scrolldown>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

END: 他動的 Plaguing lethargy [[Return to start|Start]] <<set $Lethargy to true>><<set $StayEndKey to false>><<set $LeaveEndKey to false>><<set $GardenEndKey to false>><<set $LossEndKey to false>>

<<audio tension stop>><<audio remission loop play>>You inhale.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> And you exhale.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> Slowly, your vision clears.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> You’ve been here before. Many times. For some reason, you keep coming back.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> You don’t want to keep coming back.[img[images/next.gif][Remission 02]] <<scrolldown>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

And yet you do.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> No matter what kind of garden I create, you always feel uneasy. Your peace doesn’t last. Even when you choose to leave, I turn and suddenly you’re back here again.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> The sun is always here. I’m always here to help you.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Yet I can sense your frustration when you return. And that has got me wondering:<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> What can I do to truly bring you peace?<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> What can I offer to truly make you happy?<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> How can I make you leave this garden for good?<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> How can I cure you?[img[images/next.gif][Remission 03]] <<scrolldown>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

“You cannot find a cure,” you say,<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> “Because there is no cure.”<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> You understand now. Your desire for companionship, your desperation for knowledge, your fear of failure, your want for a nurturing embrace, and the vice that grips your lungs at the smallest worry…<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> It’s all a part of you.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> This has brought you nothing but anguish. These ills are not anything you can grow out of. It’s not something that goes away when ignored. No medicine cures it.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> All you can do is try to find temporary relief.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> It makes you want to scream. It makes you want to cry. It makes your lungs stutter.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> You just want your feelings to completely disappear.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Why couldn’t you have been normal?[img[images/next.gif][Remission 04]] <<scrolldown>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

Feelings are feelings. You don’t need an explanation for feeling the way that you do.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> And you don’t need to apologize for it.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Even if those feelings aren’t positive.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> I’ve watched you for long enough to know that those feelings will pass.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> It’s okay to feel the way that you do.[img[images/next.gif][Remission 05]] <<scrolldown>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

These feelings will pass in time. To start, you have to take deep breaths to calm yourself.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> Inhale.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> Exhale.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Inhale.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Exhale.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Inhale.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> …<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> The thought of another exhale exhausts you.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Is this all there is to life? A series of deep breaths, a life of inhales and exhales?<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> A life spent loathing yourself with every breath?[img[images/next.gif][Remission 06]] <<scrolldown>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

You shouldn’t define yourself by your frustrations. There is so much more to you than that.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> You are human.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> You get angry and you cry and you grow frustrated at yourself.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> But you also smile and laugh so readily.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> A nightmare ending doesn’t make a happy dream less happy. Please, don’t paint over your life with your pain.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> You’ve made it through before. You can do it again.[img[images/next.gif][Remission 07]] <<scrolldown>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

Before ever coming here, you had found yourself wishing you could feel nothing.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> You had found yourself coloring in the expressions of others in your memories, just so you could justify your own fears and your impulse to leave them.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> You had found yourself avoiding eyes, lest you catch yourself in their reflection.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> And when the sun was no longer up, you had found yourself wishing for a happy dream.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> You didn’t care if it wasn’t real. You just didn’t want to be yourself.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> But now that you’re here, you don’t know what you want. Sometimes you think you want to open your eyes for good. But then you find yourself here again.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> There has always been a constant sense of dread over you, an anticipation for the next time the air catches when you try to breathe. Now you dread finding yourself in this idyllic world again.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> When does sweetness turn into poison? When do happy dreams become a reminder of your own shortcomings?<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> When will you be able to live without dread?[img[images/next.gif][Remission 08]] <<scrolldown>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

I wish I had answers for your questions.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> I wish I knew a language that could tell you how to find true happiness.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> I wish I could have crafted the perfect garden for you.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> I wish you can find it in yourself to accept your own feelings.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> More than anything, I wish you can find that happiness that I cannot bring you.[img[images/next.gif][Remission 09]] <<scrolldown>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

This garden is no more consistent than sea foam. Soon enough, you will open your eyes and realize it was all a dream. Soon enough you will face a world with no sun again.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> It was nice while it lasted. But it will never last. It is nothing more than a respite.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Yet here you are again, grasping onto that foam with your fingertips.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> A stronger person would let go, open their eyes and never return.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> You remind yourself every day that you aren’t strong. Every morning you run through a list of all the reasons why you aren’t enough.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Your emotions are a plague.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> But something is different now.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> You know it doesn’t have to be like this.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Feelings are feelings. You don’t need to wrestle with them or force yourself to feel a certain way. The effort itself will be pointless. You can just feel how you feel without needing to justify it.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> If you feel anxious now, then it is so.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> If you are sad now, then it is so.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> You’re sure that you will need to return here again. You know by now that your feelings will always loop back, that you will always desire happy dreams.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> You are not strong. You know you will find yourself wishing for this crafted world again. You know that you will once again need another respite.[img[images/next.gif][Remission 10]] <<scrolldown>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

I can make as many gardens as you need.[img[images/next.gif][Remission 11]]

You are not strong. And yet, you are strong. You’ve made it through today. You made it through yesterday and all the days before that.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> Nothing has been able to stop you yet.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Though you have wished against it countless times, and despite everything else, you are still you.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> You don’t have to keep hating yourself for how you feel.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> You can forgive yourself instead. You can forgive yourself for every deep breath you need to take, for every “wrong” emotion you feel, and for every happy dream you wish for.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> You watch the sea foam start clearing and the garden start disappearing. This dream is ending.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> Though this dream is ending, it brings you peace to know that the next garden will be awaiting your return.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> There is only one thing left for you to do.<<linkreplace "[img[images/next.gif]]" t8n>> <<scrolldown>> [[Open your eyes.|Remission END]] <<scrolldown>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

END: 小康 Remission <img src="images/thankyou.png" width=750/> 箱庭 - Miniature Garden Written, illustrated, and created by YF-Kimi With technical support from Maoukurosai (thanks bro!) And music by Lesfm, Ashot-Danielyan-Composer, and Oleg Kyrylkovv All music downloaded from Pixabay This game was made using Twine